I've been working almost 10 days straight...as a bitch to idiot people and taking their shit has become my life. I do all this for the trade off of following my dream. But things have just gotten out of hand. I know I've lived a pretty charmed life and I can't really complain in the big sense of things but when you get over 30 and you have few skills to draw on for employment, you find yourself sucking people's you know what and at certain points it can really take everything out of you. I went to work yesterday as a favor to my boss and work place. They needed a host at the restaurant where I bartend. I filled in cause I'm a team player and I'm still trying to make people like me there and I dressed up all corporate and cheesy and I stood around like a dope and greeted people and took them to their seats. No big deal right?
Well that what I thought till I pulled the manger aside for a brief moment and asked him about those new open shifts that we're coming up since a main bartender was leaving soon. Thats when the avalanche came. I am suddenly being given the mother-load of shit from a fat ugly asshole of a man who wants me to know in no uncertain terms that I suck at my job from the perspective of everyone who works with me and that I have been so close to being fired numerous times but nobody had the balls to tell (He's the nice one for telling me, get it?). He's instead gonna give all the free shifts to a new girl who hasn't even finished training. So he's getting all self help on me about how I can take this the good way or the bad way and all the while I was breaking inside. I was floored because I bust my ass at this disorganized shit hole and I can't keep up with the ridiculously difficult system they have in place. Yeah sorry I'm not an octopus and I can't get everyones fucking drink at once and do whatever else they expect from me in that same moment. So what if I am just not god gift to bartending. I show up on time, I bust my ass, I am honest and I look good while doing it. Give me a break. I'm doing my very best (honestly).
So after a full 10 days of taking people's crap as dead end jobs and after hearing this negative spew-fest, I walked out of the bar, got into my car that my girlfriend had brought to pick me up and I proceeded to go bonkers: Kicking, screaming and tearing my shirt to shreds. I fuckin lost it. I mean I went ballistic. I'm saying I went off the deep end, and I am still not back on land. I cried, fought with my girl...went to my other job that night (a private party), drank 10 margaritas and then slept on it.
I went back into the bar this morning and told that fat fuck exactly what I wanted to tell him. No sugar coating. No SNL where the girl thinks about what she wishes she could tell her boss. No I decided that I was willing to lose my job and then I just told the asshole my truths.
Did it make me feel better? In a way. He took it better then I expected and I could sort of hear his point in some matters. It calmed me down a few degrees. But now the anger still sits in me, making me continue to feel like crap... because I just can' t do this anymore. I can't play this game. The price is getting too steep. I have to get out of dead end jobs.. shit has gotta change. And I won't rest (well) till it does.
Ain't life grand?
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